


I Will Make You Hurt

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-23
Updated: 2005-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6457177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little song fic.  Wesley's thoughts on taking Connor.  Fathers and sons.  Lyrics from NIN "Hurt"</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Make You Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

_I will let you down..._

Wesley watched Lorne’s eyes fall in disappointment before knocking him unconscious. He had to know. From the beginning. Wesley had brought Lorne into the farce that was Angel’s family. He had shown him the difference that only Angel could make. And now he must see that Wesley could really never be the man he should have been. The man he could have been. The man his father always told him he would never be.

_I will make you hurt..._

He watched Angel’s face light up at the sight of his son. The father his own had never been. Would never be. And Wesley was purposefully going to take that from them both. Connor would never see doting smile of his father, and Angel would never witness the same love in his son’s own small face. Wesley drunk in the sight of a father that truly loved his son. No matter what. No matter what kind of man he might become. 

_If I could start again..._

In the car, Wesley listened to Connor’s burblings and coos. A happy child in spite of never seeing his father again. They would start anew. Together. Wesley would be Connor’s father. He would show him the love in Angel’s eyes. He would never lack that, at least. They would both become the men they were meant to be. Not betrayers, not deserters, not disappointments. They would both become men any father would be proud of.

_A million miles away..._

Given enough distance and time, they would forget. The memories would dull. Connor wouldn’t even dream that he had another father, that he was someone else’s son. All the rain-drenched alleys in the world would hold nothing for him. They would survive; they would have to. This far from home and family they would never survive alone. Without one, the other would be moot. This could not exist unless they both remained intact, remained connected.

_I would keep myself..._

He may not have turned out to have been much of a son, he may not have even turned out to have been much of a man, but he was a friend. He knew that much. If it would have helped, he would have made it so that he was the one Angel killed if it mean saving him from hurting his son. Their friendship was one thing he would never change. That part of himself he would keep locked away, hidden, embedded in some cell in his lungs, so that every time he breathed he would be reminded of the man he was trying to save. So that every time he breathed he would feel it. Feel the comfort of the bond they shared. He could never live without that. Would never want to.

_I would find a way._

If given the choice, Wesley would not have changed a thing. Except.... Except the pain that was going to live in Angel’s heart. Even if he lived for another 200 years Angel would still feel the ache of Connor’s fist around his finger, the burden of Connor’s weight in his arms, the rasp of Connor’s warm breath against his chest. If there were any other way, Wesley would take it. Wesley would take any of his pain ten times over. He would deserve it. Punishing a father for loving his son... Wesley knew there would never be a harsh enough punishment for that.


End file.
